


light carries on (even after death)

by Alitheia



Series: #MalamMingguMaso [4]
Category: Joker Game (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Established Relationship, M/M, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:14:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24221161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alitheia/pseuds/Alitheia
Summary: It was at almost the end of the world when Jitsui asked him, “Hatano-san, do you have any regrets?”Something lit up above, traveling fast across the heavens, leaving no more than a quick-fading trail of burning white. Hatano saw the first shooting star, but he had no more wish left to spare. In the end, he never answered the question.
Relationships: Hatano/Jitsui (Joker Game)
Series: #MalamMingguMaso [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1753051
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	light carries on (even after death)

**Author's Note:**

> written for the 4th #MalamMingguMaso on [twitter](https://twitter.com/allitheia/status/1261711328399392768) :D
> 
> title is from **[Saturn by Sleeping at Last](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzNvk80XY9s)** , nothing to do with the story though, i just happen to like the lyrics lol

It was at almost the end of the world when Jitsui suddenly asked him, “Hatano-san, do you have any regrets?”

Hatano didn’t hear him coming. In a moment of pure instinctive response, he nearly threw a punch to the man who’s already standing beside him on the terrace. He calmed his breath, weighing between giving a proper reply or scolding Jitsui for startling him, but either way, it’s useless. Hatano gave up, and kept being silent.

Jitsui didn’t seem like he wanted a real answer anyway. The man sat down, and his eyes were to the front, but not particularly staring at anything. “If it is me, I do have some regrets.”

See? He’s actually the one who had a lot to say.

Jitsui was in a good mood. Hatano knew because the man spoke in a mild, unhurried way, with a lot of nonsense and beating around the bush. They’re both usually rather direct, but it’s the end of the world and they had nowhere to go and nothing to do anymore, so Hatano let him.

The terrace opened to a backyard, and the air was somewhat pleasantly warm although it’s autumn. In front of them was a garden that’s somehow still intact, lush green and glistening wet from afternoon rain. A small wooden bridge arched above the small pond in the middle, connecting artful stepping stones that reached to the edges of the garden in some meaningful pattern. The bushes were colorful with flowers of names he didn’t know, while the trees were a brilliant blend of vermilion and yellow.

It must’ve been well kept, Hatano thought. The owners of the place were already gone when he came across the house, perhaps they had fled during the first disasters at the start of their doomsday, or they were already dead somewhere else before they could make it back home.

“I regret that we didn’t get to take that dream trip to France,” Jitsui started, “we kept postponing and postponing, then it’s too late.”

Indeed. Every time they planned to go on a vacation, something always came up or the fund ended up being used for something else. Couldn’t be helped, though, it’s useless to lament over things that could not be changed.

“Do you miss it, Hatano-san?” he asked. “You spent your college years there, after all. Do you wish you were there right now, instead?”

Hatano thought about the things he liked the most about Paris, he remembered its old cobblestone roads and the vintage street lamps, the food and cafes, the atmosphere. He also thought of the modern part of the city, the top landmarks crowded with tourists or people doing nothing important but simply enjoying life. It was only a few years ago, but it already felt like a lifetime away. There’s a pause in the conversation before Hatano finally opened his mouth. “I don’t know. But I feel bad I didn’t get to take you to Louvre.”

“Ah,” another pause, then Jitsui said again, “it’s fine.”

It’s not, but it’s useless to argue now.

Koi fishes were swimming in the pond, creating ripples on the water surface. The way they moved was effortless and relaxed; at a glance, it almost looked like an elegant dance. It’s strange to find something beautiful that had yet to be destroyed on this collapsing planet, Hatano wanted to watch it for as long as he could.

Then like a fish diving deeper into the water and disappear from sight, the sun had finally descended low enough to hide behind the mountains. The billowing clouds had dispersed, and the sky turned as red as the autumn leaves. They were running out of time.

“What’s your other regret?”

“Oh? I thought Hatano-san wasn’t interested in hearing my heartfelt confessions.”

Hatano only shrugged. There’s nothing else he’d rather be doing right now. “Go on.”

“This is my second biggest regret. Don’t laugh.”

“I won’t.”

“I regret not pursuing my passion in art and becoming a _shoujo mangaka_.”

Hatano instantly guffawed. It’s a big, ugly laugh, coming up from the bottom of his belly.

Jitsui’s lips made a lovely curve. “I told you not to laugh.”

“No—sorry, sorry,” one hand holding his stomach, Hatano waved the other, “I know you really like drawing. But labeling your work as _shoujo_ … that’s false advertisement. Considered as a fraud, even.”

“It seems we have different definitions regarding this genre.”

“Your definition is seriously messed up.”

“I think my judgement is all right,” Jitsui chuckled in between his words, “but it’s useless to argue about this right now, isn’t it?”

“I guess so.”

Hatano’s mirth eventually died down, and silence started to enclose again. He hated to admit it, but it was actually rather peaceful, despite everything that’s been happening. Perhaps not completely, because then there’s a loud, rumbling sound in the distance, but at least in this little, brief haven of a backyard garden, he somehow could ignore all sense of mortal helplessness.

“You already said the second biggest, what’s your biggest regret?”

“My biggest regret is one thing,” Jitsui began with a dramatic tone, but then his voice lost its grandeur manner when he continued, “the fact that I can’t protect you anymore, and the fact that you have survived this long, yet now you chose to wait for death here, instead of going somewhere safe.”

“Those are two things, by the way. And there’s no safe place left in this world.”

“We don’t know that.”

“No, _you_ don’t know that,” Hatano refuted, “you’re no longer in this world, after all.”

Jitsui had died three weeks ago.

It happened in Tokyo, during the first rounds of calamities, when toxic fume rose from the depths of earth and killed everybody who inhaled it. The two of them only had one protective gear left, so Jitsui sneaked behind him and knocked him unconscious before Hatano could even argue, and put everything on him.

Much later Hatano woke up alone, and Jitsui was nowhere to be seen. That man was rotten to the core, Hatano should’ve known that he wouldn’t hesitate to play dirty. It’s useless to even try wondering about where he went; Hatano was left alone to imagine about the blackened lungs and how much pain Jitsui must’ve been in when his internal organs slowly shriveled up. All his life, it was the first time he ever felt so lonely.

“Well, you see, I only regret what I didn’t do, Hatano-san,” Jitsui’s smile widened, it’s almost a grin, “but everything I did for you, I don’t regret a single thing.”

“Shut up,” Hatano said. There’s no real anger in his words. “You talk too much for a ghost.”

The man let out a soft laugh, before resting his head against Hatano’s shoulder. Hatano couldn’t feel anything. He wasn’t even sure if Jitsui was a real, wandering soul, or just a product of his desperate mind after accidentally eating something poisonous in the past weeks.

“There is nothing more I can do now, after all, so I only know how to be chatty.”

“Much appreciated.” This time it was real sarcasm.

The sky had turned darker. Countless stars covered it like a sprinkle of white, gleaming powder. They didn’t get to witness something like this in the city, and Hatano was glad that he had chosen the countryside for a place to die.

“Hatano-san.”

“Hmm?”

“I have one question.”

“What is it?”

“You’ve done a very good job surviving this long, why giving up now?”

Something lit up above, traveling fast across the heavens, leaving no more than a quick-fading trail of burning white. He saw the first shooting star, but he had no more wish left to spare.

“I’m sorry,” Hatano said quietly, it was never his intention to make Jitsui’s sacrifice go to waste. “But I really can’t do this anymore.” _I can’t do it without you,_ but Hatano didn’t have to say that. Nothing human would survive this round anyway, and even if they did, the planet itself probably wouldn’t, so why bother? Useless was useless.

“No need for apologies,” Jitsui said, his voice was as light as the wind, “it isn’t your fault that the world is ending.”

He had no reply to that. Their conversation ended at the same time the whole world also did.

That day, evening came with a meteor shower.


End file.
